Submitted by: jerry via deMotivational Builder
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And pilot+fuel+servicing?
Plus, is it possible to carry all that at once? I don’t think so, there aren’t enough hardpoints on the frame for all that dakka… Certainly not two cruise missiles at once, I should think. Rather, that’s all the load from what you can kit your fighter out.
Even if it’s a single load only, you can do massive damage. Can anyone ID the fighter we’re seeing? My guess is an F-18.
F-14 Tomcat, u can tell cause the engines are fairly spaced apart
and the tail fins are vertical instead of angled.
and besides all that it has the rotating wings that only it and the F-111 has that should be the only clue u need
Thanks Buzz Killington.
DOES NO ONE NOTICE THE CARROT?!
i noticed it
is it kyle??
Is Kyle this tall?
same here
If you noticed the Carrot, you can turn in your man card now.
I for one only saw one epic payload!
f-14. Fail
@ ThunderBird – I know this is late as hell, but those are not cruise missiles. Those big white things on the outside of the AIM-54G Phoenix missiles are, in fact, external fuel tanks.
The fact remains that you are correct about one thing however. This F-14B or F-14C (F-14′s and F-14A’s never had air to surface ordinance hung on them, so the presence of bombs makes this a B or C variant…) could NEVER carry all of that. At most, it’s air-to-air compliment would include The 6 Phoenix missiles (Which it could use all at once – unique for it’s time) and up to 4 sidewinders on hardpoints. The external fuel tanks would hang in place of the sidewinders, and Sparrows could be substituted for the Phoenix’s. But in the end, the total amount of missiles would be no more than 10 on-board kills.
The gun and ammunition of course would not change. M-61 20MM Vulcan rotary cannon with 580 rounds.
I do find it a bit strange that no one mentioned the ECM (Electronic Countermeasure) gear or the chaff pods on the far left and right just above and below the 500lb “dumb”bombs.
F14 Fail… there was no “C” variant. The models were the F-14A, B, and D (there never was a F-14 without a suffix letter). The fuel tanks actually are hung under the engines, the Sidewinders fit onto the side glove pylons under the wings. The Phoenix missiles hang four under the fuselage centerline and the other two UNDER the glove pylons (if all six are carried, which never happened during its whole history of deployment as they exceed the bring-back weight for the aircraft). As to the photo’s age, it could in fact be an F-14A as the ground attack stores pictured are all dumb bombs. The F-14 was always intended to be a fighter-bomber aircraft but the stores management software for the carriage of bombs wasn’t properly developed for nearly two decades. But original company press photos showed all the ordnance being considered for deployment at the time. Also the TARPS recon pods are missing from the photos and they were deployed in the 80s before the bomb carrying practice began among operational squadrons (in 1992).
fail there is a F-14C Look it up Dumb@$$
Heh. Well, you are kind of right. The F-14 (not A, B, or D…) never saw active service. It was upgraded into the A variant BEFORE the plane was rolled out. It nevertheless, DID exist.
As for the F-14C, it too, was proposed and never saw fruition beyond development. It was built, but the program was cancelled before there were any orders placed. It was also referred to as F-14 Super Tomcat 21 or just Super Tomcat. The F-14D, which I forgot to mention above, also carried the latter name.
Also, the F-14B development started in 1986, and they were in service, so we can both be right about air to ground weapons. They DID start carrying them in 1992, as you said, AND they were never carried by F-14A’s.
And about carrying 6 AIM-54′s? You are again correct. Partially. 6 Phoenix missiles were never carried (Beyond initial testing, that is)on a CARRIER BASED Tomcat. As you said, this was due to weight constraints. But it was done on land based planes. Nice to know that if they were expected yo USE the missiles on a mission that they would be fitted with them, even on carrier missions, as they would be gone upon return.
Thanks for your information though. The research it caused me to do was quite enjoyable.
+50 internet to all of u for knowing soo much i wish i had the amount of information u have
i am in awwwwww
F-15, actually.
F-14, dude.
F-15 is a fixed-wing aircraft
F-14. Notice the AIM-54 Phoenix missiles (middle of 3rd row). Only the F-14 carried those. Or it could carry 6 Sparrow missiles (2nd row), but not both.
It’s an F-14 Tomcat. Only Jet capable of fielding the AIM-54 Phoenix missiles.
I wonder how much the shipping would be?
FOR JUST 3 EASY PAYMENTS OF 19.95, YOU TOO CAN OWN EVERYTHING SEEN HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have my credit card ready!!!
What is the number?
I tried 1(800) KICKASS, but they don’t have it in stock…
I just want to know if the commercial will include that guy that talks really fast…
First of all, this is an F-14 Tomcat in a swept wing configuration. Look at the lack of the one-piece windscreen canopy and the engine intakes that are cantered away from the centerline. Secondly, this a photograph that shows all the potential munitions that can be carried, not the total load capability.
Yeah…that’s what I was going to say.
Strange as it is, this reminds me of the back cover of Pink Floyd’s album Ummagumma.
http://melvingouder.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/pink_floyd_-_ummagumma_live.jpg
It reminded me of that pic as well. Most likely the album cover photo was based on a similar original.
NOES, IT IS NOT SYMMETRICAL!!!!
This would be funnier if it was “K.I.T.T” instead of KIT.
You know, the talking car from Knight Rider.
that would be AWESOME!
Thanks for the explanation. Still not funny.
NRA, Phase II
kit also includes the little guy in the lower right hand corner
I still prefer the original. http://www.code7r.org/Bintoons/WonTheToss.jpg
But wait, there’s more!!! Call today and we’ll throw in this lime green poisonous Amazonian tree frog ABSOLUTELY FREE!!! (Hazardous waste disposal fees not included in free offer.)
FUEL AND G.I. NOT INCLUDED
ACTUAL PERFORMANCE MAY VARY
“But wait, there’s more.”
HI BILLY MAYS HERE! ARE YOU TIRED OF YOUR NEIGHBORS?! WANNA GIVE THAT BRAT DOWN THE STREET SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT?! THEN YOU NEED THE F-14 DO-IT-YOURSELF KIT! THIS THING COMES STRAIGHT OFF A MILITARY BASE AND IS DELIVERED RIGHT TO YOUR DOOR! IF THAT’S NOT ENOUGH, IT COMES WITH SEVEN DIFFERENT BRANDS OF TOP OF THE LINE MISSILES! MIX AND MATCH FOR PERFECT RESULTS EVERY TIME! THIS KIT USUALLY SELLS FOR MORE THEN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE, BUT I’M GIVING IT TO YOU FOR 19.95$! THAT’S RIGHT: THE ENTIRE F-14 DO-IT-YOURSELF KIT IS JUST 19.95! BUT CALL RIGHT NOW AND WE’LL DOUBLE YOUR SHIPMENT OF MISSILES FOR FREE! THAT’S RIGHT! YOU GET DOUBLE THE MISSILES FOR DOUBLE THE DESTRUCTION! AND THAT’S NOT ALL! CALL WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES AND WE’LL SEND YOU A FREE LITTLE ORANGE GUY! YOU GET IT ALL: THE F-14 DO-IT-YOURSELF KIT, A DOUBLE COUNT OF MISSILES, AND THE LITTLE ORANGE GUY FOR JUST 19.95$ PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING! CALL NOW! -F-14 Do-It-Yourself Kit is not available to residents outside the United States; credit cards only. Assortment of missiles may not be the same as the ones shown. Billy Mays and co. is not responsible for any counts of destruction of property or manslaughter you may get as a result of the F-14 Do-It-Yourself Kit. You must be 18 or older to call. Call now!-
too long didn’t read
Thanks Douchie McDouchebag!!
That would be awesome if it was a real comercial.
Hey you summamaBIA i had my credit card ready wheres the toll free number I have a couple of brat down the street I need to terrorize i tried swoopin down on them with Falcor but they killed him (RIP)so i need a new badass-er (?) approach.
This image is missing one large piece. Technically not munitions, and not usable on all F-14 Tomcats. It’s missing the TARPS reconnaissance camera pod. It hangs off-center between the engines and contains two cameras and an IR sensor which all use 5″ wide monochrome film. Or did, until the early 90′s when things started going digital and I got out of the Navy. Now most of the stuff pictured is obsolete and out of service.
Thanks for serving. Truly appreciated. God bless.
no s**t Sherlock ¬¬
Pilot and training not included. Point away from face while shooting.
This is an F-14A Tomcat, late 70′s early 80′s sceme I’m sure of it, I worked on them for 13 years. *tear*
What up with the random carrot?
ARGUING ABOUT A PICTURE
what you do when youve never had sex
The infomercial for this *will* mention zombies and/or aliens.
It should say something like “Coin toss- the terrorists have won and elected to recieve!”
or “coin toss – The US Navy wins and elected to kick… terrorist ass”
Ha… there’s a carrot.
While you guys were arguing about which jet that was, I was nailing your mothers.
xD win.
My mom is 90.
Good luck with that!
(Dont worry, my Dad wont shoot you. He is dead.)
But WAIT! There’s more! Call now and get TWO for only 20 easy payments of $500,000! (Not including $40,000 shipping.)
More like 20 payments of $2.5 mil, each.
hmm, I dont much like my neighbors, this is exactly the product I’ve been wanting! now to learn how to freakin fly the thing… also DOMINATE my friends at the dragstrip with the afterburner…. does anyone have billy mays’ number? I want to order several.
you do of course realize that you would GET dominated in a quarter mile in an F-14 not the other way around.
Not if he was being launched off a carrier.
The ironic thing is…a Nimitz Class carrier is just shy of a quarter mile long.
To be fair, it would have a few thousand pounds of thrust to run off of when it runs out of aircraft carrier….
My old man used to CO an A-4 squadron, and we frequently joked about “creative” applications of ordnance to correct various architectural utter cretinisms perpetrated by neighbors similar to yours. To be followed by “Oops. My bad.”
…………………
no it not me satan’s mistress
AM I THE ONLY ON THAT NOTICED THAT THE LAST 2 MISSILES ON EACH END ARE ACTUALLY PEOPLE IN DISGUISE?
Quiet you! You were not suppose to see the SEAL deployment method., Nobody is suppose to see the SEAL deployment method.
Im gonna miss the old girls. they used to be my favorite planes.
DO A BARREL ROLL!
Terrific blog!!
This surely makes perfect sense…