Simple logic
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SIMPLE LOGIC
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But Harry Potter Is Obviously a Twilight Ripoff
It’s perfect
Nah. When they drink blood it has to circulate their system. Maybe this is why the neck-bite scene is always erotic ; )
How can it circulate if his heart doesn’t beat?
If they dont have fangs, to make it go through their system, then wouldn’t they just be digesting it?
Also, the neck bite scene is erotic because they don’t have erections to back up the sex?
Well it has to circulate somehow or else the nutrients from the blood isn’t getting to their limbs. Their limbs would kind of have to rot and fall off which would make them zombies not vampires.
I must award you a Does Not Understand Concept award
vampires are in a preserved type of death in that they “died”(as far as being normal humans) and are instantaneously animated. Zombies don’t rot after being reanimated the rotting occurs while they are dead vampires never having been truly dead and inanimate never rot. nutrients need not apply.
They do tend to say “I want to eat you” and all that. … wtf makes this guy a vampire again?
You win the Count Von Count award(this is the sesame street vampire) because CVC has fangs and no reflection and until PBS decided it was too scary for the kids he had the power to hypnotize other characters. Edward Cullen fails so hard that a purple puppet beats him at being a vampire.
You sir, win the epic point of the day.
+1
I lol’d… XD
Yet another raging plot hole in these books. I think we now have one for each page.
Except in the actual mythology not only could vampires have sex, male vampires could and often did have children with mortal women. (Think Blade – a dhampire.) Plus some vampires would feed off the sexual energies of their victims – yes, there were demons (incubuses and succubus) who also did the same, however vampires were suppose to do that too.
So yeah, about the only thing Meyer got right is vampires can have sex.
No, she still got it wrong, because this is using what she said of vampires.
Yes originally vampires were among the many sort of dark evil demon things that screwed around with you, but keep in mind we’re using Meyer’s word here, and, according to the traits she listed for vampires in her little world, a vampire can’t logically have sex. Using her own facts, it’s impossible. That’s the point, not that it was never a trait of vampires to f***.
if use logic again you would realize that blood is to what oil is to cars so no blood you no move
Not so, actually.
Sure, certain parts of blood are transformed or filtered into lymphatic and cerebrospinal fluid, the stuff that IS basically the lubrication and joint support of the body, but not blood itself.
And since…certain parts of the male form require blood pressure for certain of their uses, it would get very complicated to get laid.
No wonder male vampires are always so ANGRY all the time.
So female vampires get no periods and that’s why they’re so happy, amirite?
Actually, no… that just means that those who contributed to the mythology were morons, too.
But Blade wasn’t createt that way. his mother allready was pregnant when she got bitten. She turned to a Vampire then and he got his piece of the Cake….no Sex includet after all.
Twilight making Necrophilia acceptable again.
And pedophilia…
and finding stupidity attractive.
And abuse.
please go away.
actually, Blade was not the result of the mother beeing with a vampire, his mother was bitten by a vampire while she was pregnant with Blade, as a result Blade became a “Daywalker” ^^
What? He isn’t red haired, is he?
love it, love everything about it, altho think about it how many ginger people do you see with blades complexion… he could be a hybrid hyrid vampire….
incubi and succubi*
the only thing i need to say is you are obviously vamp, and if you don’t know what that means then watch the episode of southpark called the ungroundable
Just a correction to your word usage;
Like octopus, the plural for Incubus and Succubus would end with an “i”, thus incubi and succubi. Just sayin’.
Blades mom was pregnant when the Vamp bit her, thus Blade feeding in the womb ingested some blood I guess, turning him half vamp half human
And then you realize you spent several hundred hours thoroughly investigating a book series you claimed to hate.
FAIL
Meanwhile, in reality, anyone who visits this site once a month even, can figure out that the series has many failures.
So, I think it’s you who fails.
There is a difference between blind hate and hate that is justified. Twilight is a justified hate, and many read the books attempting to find out why everyone else likes it. They end up hating it more, but have the knowledge to use in parodies etc.
Do you think the people writing the parodies and such don’t read the books of the source content?
Not really. Vampires being able to have sex is even present in some classical vampire mythology. Besides, you’re asking how they get an erection when they should “logically” be rotting in the ground….?
Well, considering the heart seems to be the energy core of a vampire, it seems logical that they function in some way. Except pansy jock vampires from Washington.
Well if you ask most people the idea that vampires even exsist isn’t logical. And need I point out that the book states mutipul times that her version of vampires are basicly made of rock therfore……..
Therefore they constantly have a hard on?
She should choose the werewolf over the vampire, if that is the case.
Sadly there were no werewolves.
dont forget that there is no cake either
So you mean… I HAVE to choose death? No, thank you. I’ll wait for more cake.
We didn’t expect so many people would want the cake, we only had three pieces..
LOL So you mean my choices are or death?
I love Eddy Izzerd
And dont forget there aint no PANCAKE MIX there
hahaha
There’s no spoon
My spoon is too big!
HEY! You took my user name! D:<
I am very dissapoint.
Funny poster though….
new pants please
You found a plot hole in a fiction book?
*Calls NASA*
-Hey guys, we have a GENIUS HERE!!!!11!!!
Oh, go back and read your Twilight.
not just ANY fiction, but Twilight! we need the Nobel Prize committee here!
my fiance yelled me when i pointed this logic out to her.
Get use to it, once the shackle is on. Yelling becomes a past time.
WIN !
err…. FAIL ?
yes, bot win and fail and im used to the yelling already.
you don’t point out simple logic to those you love, Religion, and zealots cause if your trying explain simple logic then it should be common sense and if they are lacking common sense then they are beyond saving from their illusions but hey ignorance is bliss
That was literally the worst written thought I’ve ever seen.
He’s a f*** anyways, so I can’t see how this is an issue for her
when you really think about it and combine this logic with the fact that he still knocked her up, it means that he died with a boner and it is permanatly stuck that way. Edward can’t get it down.
Rigor mortis, baby.
As I said on my FB. Not only is he immortal. So is his boner which would explain the 100 y.o. angsty teen b/s.
^Win.^
I second that motion
I think I just choked on my coffee, thanks!
That’s the way I’d wanna go..
I’m debating if that would have made pretending to be a high-school kid more or less awkward/realistic…
I found this funnier read slightly out of order:
“So you can have no erection then.”
“That’s right.”
Surprise!
i dont read crap so could someone who has tell me if that stuff is an actual trait of twilight vampires?
I honestly read the books to give them a chance, BEFORE the movies came out. The books are actually ok, but the movies shot it all to crap.
Yes, they said that the venom from the vampire stops their heart slowly while it spreads throughout their body, and all of their organs shut down. So, since the heart no longer beats and can’t pump the blood, logic dictates that they can not get erections.
…
…They made it venom?
yeah, but he’s hard as a rock anyway…so…he’s got that going for him.
(and I hate myself for knowing that)
*going for the wolf
I knew I wasn’t the only one to notice this!!! A friend of mine was telling me how Edward and Bella had a baby in one of the books and I was like, “But… He’s dead… He can’t get a boner.”
What does she do? “LALALALALA! I can’t hear you! LALALA!”
Psst, whoever learned done talk good
“You can have no erection then”
Should be
“So you can’t have an erection”
I agree. Terrible syntax.
they were just writing in the style of stephenie meyer!!!
Damn. Your logic is flawless.
Is it just me or does the last picture look like Toby McGuire
Last panel : Wait, wtf did I just admit?!
OWNED!
uh… not exactly a hole in the plot when it’s also technically impossible for him to be walking, talking, breathing, thinking, running, climbing, or any of the other things he (and every other vampire in every other story) do.
duh. think people, it doesn’t hurt after a bit of practice, i promise.
(Also, STFU about Twilight. i don’t care if you like it or not, it’s gotten so old both ways. srsly.)
Those eyes in the last panel are just magic!
Vampires are physically similar enough to their human origins to pass as humans under some circumstances (like cloudy days). There are many basic differences. They appear to have skin like ours, albeit very fair skin. The skin serves the same general purpose of protecting the body. However, the cells that make up their skin are not pliant like our cells, they are hard and reflective like crystal. A fluid similar to the venom in their mouths works as a lubricant between the cells, which makes movement possible (note: this fluid is very flammable). A fluid similar to the same venom lubricates their eyes so that their eyes can move easily in their sockets. (However, they don’t produce tears because tears exist to protect the eye from damage, and nothing is going to be able to scratch a vampire’s eye.) The lubricant-venom in the eyes and skin is not able to infect a human the way saliva-venom can. Similarly, throughout the vampire’s body are many versions of venom-based fluids that retain a marked resemblance to the fluid that was replaced, and function in much the same way and toward the same purpose. Though there is no venom replacement that works precisely like blood, many of the functions of blood are carried on in some form. Also, the nervous system runs in a slightly different but heightened way. Some involuntary reactions, like breathing, continue (in that specific example because vampires use the scents in the air much more than we do, rather than out of a need for oxygen). Other involuntary reactions, like blinking, don’t exist because there is no purpose for them. The normal reactions of arousal are still present in vampires, made possible by venom-related fluids that cause tissues to react similarly as they do to an influx of blood. Like with vampire skin—which looks similar to human skin and has the same basic function—fluids closely related to seminal fluids still exist in male vampires, which carry genetic information and are capable of bonding with a human ovum.
nice try pretending to be the author, you spelt her name wrong. its “stephenie” with an e after her father stephen (yes, I know I should go jump in a hole for knowing what but wth?)
And plus, I got three words in and thought “STFUUUUUUUUUUU!!”"
tl;dr
cool story bro
All I read was some mythical fluid and blood. Being a bit knowledgeable about biology, I’ll just play along. First, tell me, where are you getting this information? Is it appearing out of thin air? Did it magically appear? Or did you conjure it with that condemned keyboard of yours? My knowledge about vampires (which used to be great until a certain sparkler came along) doesn’t mention any venoms or flammable liquid. I’ll tell you this: Vampires are not snakes. They are more bats than anything else. And being more bats than snakes, they do not possess any means of poisons or venoms. Vampires are notorious for their seduction and their grim appearances. See Dracula for more details. Second of all, vampires are undeads. They have closer resemblance to zombies then they do to humans. Any sentient feelings that vampires have comes from the lust for blood and fear of crosses. I’m getting the feeling that this information comes from absolutely nowhere, and that this is merely a pathetic attempt to justify vampires being like humans. But hey, that’s just me.
“http://stepheniemeyer.com/bd_faq.html”
This is the original source of the material, actually written by Stephenie Meyer herself on her website. Read it and weep.
And weep I shall, if the grammar is as bad on the net as it was in the books. No thank you.
Stoker’s Dracula was evil personified, incapable of love, and defiantly not sexy in anyway shape or form. Dracula becomes sexy in 1931 with Bela Legosi. The vampire’s ability to love may have started earlier than that when the novel was made into a play (which Legosi had stared in, thus getting him the part in the movie), but was not part of the story in 1922 when Nosferatu was made. I’m going to disagree on the bats, though. According to the old folk tales, vampires are zombies, not snakes or bats… or rocks? WTF?
You an author of a romantic vampire novel that became a movie series, no way your d***in around on this this site.
You, my good sir, fail.
this was too long to read so i assumed that you admitted that vampires arent f**king real and that all girls need to stop flicking their bean to twilight and go make a sammich!!!
Silly vampires walking around, having no good ol’ erections.
….. twilight needs to die and go back to the hell from whence it came….
or
i know its not related to the poster but its show perfectly what twilight is all about >:)
He has venom in his veins…
Don’t get me wrong – I love the logic in this exchange, on its own. However, one thing escapes me. If vampires are animated by something supernatural which allows them to think without blood oxygenating the brain, talk without pumping air through the neck, move around without blood transporting air and sustenance to the muscles, avoid decay etc., why couldn’t this same supernatural something make them get an erection?
Oh, and I don’t really care about Twilight – read no books, seen no movies.
you just stole my answer before I said it– vampires are magical, so why use any logic whatsoever? Imma hop on my alien zombie unicorn now and fly away(by the way, did anyone notice his eyes in the last panel?)
But, if there’s no blood circulation, he also can’t breathe, move a muscle, or stop rigor mortis and flesh rot. Also, he is a figment of Stephanie Meyers – and now our collective – imaginations.
It would be nice if we could unimagine Edward Cullen into non-existence.
Finally, someone realizes this. I pointed this out to some friends of mine once. All of us guys thought it was hilarious, but the ditzy fangirls just got really quiet. There go all your fantasies down the drain.
And yet, with no circulation and all organs dead, they stand up, and move around. And without breathing, they manage to talk.
I’ve not read any of the damn books, but even if there is an explanation for all that, it still makes this point irrelevant since the same amount of hand waving can explain away this too. Surely applying logic to fictional creatures is an auto-fail?
Sounds like the flipside of all the ‘real vampires don’t…’ complaints.
but….RIGOR MORTIS DURHUR
If that were the case he wouldn’t be able to move at all.
Also, to the people talking about plot holes, plot holes are only a problem if the story can’t justify them. A good story can have plot holes (even glaring ones) but a bad one can’t get away with as much.
but…rigor mortis dissipates after a few days.
Shush you! Rigor mortis is our best theory so far!
Except that rigor mortis sets in long after the blood stops circulating. The um…muscles that are involved in that certain action are tiny and have a very unnoticeable reaction when rigor mortis hits.
I’ve heard theories about necrophilia involving rubber bands that I wish I hadn’t heard about, though.
You win the Willingly Blind award
if the theory is shown to be false then it can’t be the “best theory” because it is just as wrong as all the others.
Its not like ‘RobPatz’ could have an erection anyway. You require a penis for such things.
Win.
Are you implying that Pattinson is… a girl?
Poor Bella.
I have to agree with you there Mana, did you know some how he got to be the third hottest male actor in this generation (Got this info from mom, she’s a harry potter fan. Oh and he got number 54 I think) and is apparently more famous than Daniel Radcliff (harry potter).
I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING AT HIS FACE IN THE LAST PANEL, I’M SO SORRY X,D
Given the masses of people that are adamantly defending vampires’ ability to “erect” in classic vampire literature, I have come to one of to conclusions:
- Classical vampire authors have alarmingly poor understanding of human physiology
or
- Vampires have magic boners.
Classical vampires, iirc, are fueled by the infernal, burning energies of a Christian Hell. I’d be willing to go with “magic boners” (I can’t believe I just typed that), but I don’t think that would apply to Meyers venom victims.
Lol, magic boners xD
mytic!
I would like this a lot more…but the sentence ‘So you can have no erection then’ just seems like it could have been worded better.
I thought vampires were supposed to look cool, not gay
This is awesome. Impotence. XD
Showed this to a friend: “So that’s they it took 45 minutes to kiss her!” (Poor soul had to sit through the movie)
This could never, EVER, happen. There’s no way in HELL that Bella would be smart enough to figure that out.
…
That’s fair I guess.
with all these thoughts on vampire sex, I have to throw in my 2 cents. In the Anita Blake books, they only get erections after drinking blood, so no drinky no sex!
Exactly my thoughts, but with the no breathing thing, cunnilingus can last forever.
oh seriously guys!! i lol’ed but i don’t think you should get in a discussion wether vampires can even have sex etc… meet someone IRL, and try sex yourself!!
Saying Starcraft 2 is like Farmville is like saying 300 (the movie) is like Twilight….
Whoever made this demotivator, you sir, fail!
and I fail too by clicking the wrong demotivator, excuse me
Of course in a lot of older vamp fiction they also bleed when cut as well…
My GF read the books and decided before she’d finished the first they were a disgrace as “VAMPIRES DO NOT SPARKLE!”, did I mention how much I love that girl? *tears in his eyes*
As someone mentioned rigor does go away after a while, however immediately after death it is not uncommon for a penis to become engorged still for a short while, however given the lack of blood in a (Twilight) vamp that isn’t going to help Edward.
You win the Awesome Other Half award in short if you were Edward she would be the one to put a stake through your heart to end everyone’s misery… oh
ps my fiance is also awesome she heard someone raving about asked them about it and decided that she could spend her time doing almost anything else and not be missing out.
reading the comments is even funnier than the demote. I know w girl I hate who would freak if she saw this. I even told a friend and she went.
“What about rigor mortis?” (Deja vu) “It doesnt last forever.” She says “I gotta get in a quickie then?” Epic Win. xD
Within 3 days of death but at least 3 hours after death if memory serves so doesn’t have to be a quickie, just need to be in the mood at the right time.
Biggest problem: She’s not smart enough to make that logical leap.
just give me back the days of the anne rice sort of vampires.
Wuaaaaahahahaha sooo true
For the small respect i had for twilight, now its all gone.
you win two Awards the first is The Name Award I love the name you are using so you win it. The second is the Finally Awake award for seeing the light.
[...] « Previous CROWD SURFING | JESUS Next » Can’t Miss From Last Week PDRTJS_settings_815068_post14593 = ({ 'id' : '815068', 'unique_id' : 'wp-post-14593', 'title' : 'Can’t Miss From Last Week', 'permalink' : 'http://verydemotivational.com/2010/08/22/cant-miss-from-last-week-2/', 'item_id' : '_post14593' , 'callback_url' : 'http://cheezburger.com/Services/RatingCallback.aspx?permalink=http%3A%2F%2Fverydemotivational.com%2F2010%2F08%2F22%2Fcant-miss-from-last-week-2%2F&pid=14593&vsid=37&id=815068§ion=0&r={r}&type={type}&scores={scores}&voter_id={voter_id}' }); Tolkien has a good grasp of the history of troll but one can’t really question Statler and Waldorf’s troll-power. They are able to make fun of anything and will continue to do so. [...]
If they’ve figured out a way to LIVE without a beating heart, or circulating blood, I’m sure they could figure out how to have an erection without either of those things as well. Idiots.
wow… you people really know how to drag s**t on….. >-<"
it's not that serious guys, chill. Twilight is a fictional book with fictional characters and fictional situations.
none of it is real, stop wasting your time debating on it. this was all made in good fun, it's all for entertainment purposes. if you really take this crap seriously, you need a reality check.
calm down X|
Ok, that must be acward.
what is that face called?!?
Hey guys, according to Meyer, a substance similar to their venom flows through their veins (as well as lubricates joints and tissue etc) which is responsible for giving t hem erections. Please i dont want to argue or anything, thats just her explanation. its on her website
She was discussing her character’s erections? Now that’s the mark of a Nobel Prize winner, ain’t it? *facepalms*
HEY “Sandy” _(1st comment) dont be stupid when they drink blood it goes to their digenstive sistem , same if you drnk soda , ok? it cant get in their veins , so it doesnt circulate , so they CANT have erection
For those commenting about blood circulation… you really need to get laid.
Actually, in theory, deceased people can still get erections.
Now if only the person who put this together would figure out how to set the panels up consistently. English is read left to right, descending. Japanese Manga is read right to left, descending. Two-panel descending, left to right… Your fate is sealed, and it isn’t pretty.
This conversation is about vampires and sex, and you just made it scarier than anything I’ve ever read.
you win the Creepy award
lets see, last time i checked vampires dont exist so what the #@$@ does it matter
It only matters because Stephanie Meyer acts like this makes sense, when, in fact, it doesn’t. Stephanie Meyer is real, and we can learn of her through her works. Namely, both are retarded.
P.S. He just ties it to something long and hard and pretends.
I lol’d at this. And so true.